Lloyd, now in all new WORDS!!! presents; Title stealing in all someone else's WORDS!!!

A list of things and stuff...and stuff and things to do by the end of the week:

Make a proper dessert, probably either a white chocolate torte or a raspberry sorbet.
Cut nails (no nails in particular, just some nails)
Lick a tree
DANCE!!! (I just got a dance mat for my PS2)
Get tickets to see Richard Herring on saturday off of Alison (Ha! I stole you're title and I wasn't even discrete about it)
Have at least one drink
Think of more stuff for 'Jesus Christ walked into a bar...' (In which Jesus and Satan converse over drinks)
See mom (she was in Spain, now she's not)
Catch the pigeon
Go home
Watch the final episode of season 2 of The Wire
Steal someone's prosthetic toe
Laugh at someone better off than me
Think of something to write on Sunday
Smile
Have fun
Watch one of the many films I have on DVD that I have not yet watched
Eat an entire pig
Learn how to make toothpicks explode using only the power of my mind
Rip a phonebook in half.

(no subject)

She simmered slowly in the moonlight, enticing me to her with diamond scented jasmine and pine scented nuts. I wanted to look away but she was bare breasted and had a big neon sign pointing right where she wanted me to look.
I tried to tell her that I wanted to leave, that I needed to leave but the only words I could think of were mandarin, goldfish and peckinpar and I don't think the last one is even a word.
Then I was next to her. She was naked, she had a brazilian, illegal loggers and all. She took my face in her warm and surprisingly moist hands and electric blue sparks of lust flew up where our skin touched. Had I been thinking I would have told her that my wife was in my pocket and maybe I would have avoided a messy divorce (I still think she used an incontinent soliciter out of spite). She undid my shirt and I was so enraptured that I didn't even notice when the bananas I keep tied to my nipples for emergencies fell to the floor. Soon I was inside her, it was dark, humid and my feet were still hanging out. There wasn't much space to move around and lighting the cigarette was a definate mistake.