September 16th, 2002

(no subject)

Sometimes I remember how it feels to be a small child. Sometimes when I am about to turn the lights off in an attempt to sleep I once again feel the fears that used to acompany it and wish for the days when I would sleep with the light on. I do not remember if I ever had monsters underneath my bed but I do remember my parents bed, waking up and crawling in before either of them awoke, Mom still in a heavy sleep, Dad opening his eyes and making a little space for me. If there were monsters uner the bed or evil furniture in the flat then I was safe there, tucked between two bodies and covered by quilt. Sometimes when the lights go out I miss having a safe place to go but I close my eyes and remind myself that I am too old to be scared of the dark, that there are no monsters under my bed so I think of how things feel against my skin and listen to the noises of an empty house.