April 25th, 2002

Hazy petrol nights, crimson sun on traffic lights.

“I never did tell you how it ended did I?”

Things seem to have calmed down, the funeral is over and done with, all that’s left is the weekend and there’s one more thing I have to do.

“No, you never did.”

This weekend I hope to get remarkably drunk and hopefully cry, this is not a bad thing in this instance, it’s just something I need to do so I can say goodbye and let her go.

“And I probably never shall. She told me with a wry smile.”

Once again I find myself wishing for some kind of accident, this is not because I crave pain or infirmity but simply because the time to write another essay is upon me. Writing essays is an experience I find somewhat akin to having my teeth pulled with a rust pair of pliers while sitting naked atop a heap of broken glass during which someone is playing bad Spice Girls covers.

“People come and go, stars flicker and die, but from here I can pretend.”

I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t get worked up over certain films. One is Star Wars Episode II, now lets get someting straight, I am not a big Star Wars man, I think they’re okay but highly over rated and I thought Episode I was awful but I am begining to get worked up over it. The second is Spider-Man, as you know I am, and have been for many years, a comics fanboy. I go and see films based on comics, even if I don’t read the comic, kind of to support the industry, the chances are I would go and see another Batman film even after the travesty of Batman and Robin in the hopes that they will one day get it right. The only adaptation of a comic I read that I have seen that has impressed me is Batman(with Jack Nichollson), I didn’t think The Punisher was too bad but I was about 15 at the time and had only read Punisher 2099. Judge Dredd was an abomination, X-Men was unimpresive, I will ot talk of Captain America and I’m quite thankfull for Generation X going straight to video and not seeing it. I wont include Men In Black or Mysery Men because I never did read the comics but on the whole it’s just not a good track record especially when you consider the number of good comics that seem to be trapped in development hell(I talk of Hellblazer, The Sandman, Books of Magic, Ghost Rider, Superman, Batman: Year One, etc.). So I will not get my hopes up only to have them smashed(after all I have seen pictures of the Green Goblin, don’t look like no comic I’ve ever read and are they using Norman or Harry Osborne?).

“Inside my heart there’s an empty room, it’s waiting for lightning, it’s waiting for you.”

a word from our sponsor

First of all, you are fat. You are ugly. Your breath stinks. You are unpopular. Your car sucks. Your house sucks. Your life sucks.

You are not witty. You are not smart. You are ignorant. You are stupid. You will never make it in this world. You are unpopular. You will never amount to anything. You are nothing.

Your diet is poor. You have low self-esteem. You have cellulite. You have ugly toenails. You have blackheads. You have body hair where it just shouldn?t be. Your eyeballs are not white enough. Your teeth are not white enough.

Secondly, you are fat. You should go on a diet. You should eat more hamburgers. Your tits are not big enough. Your tits are too small. Your tits aren?t small enough or big enough. Your dick is too small. Your nose isn?t right. Your ass is too big. You should make yourself sick. You should eat more hamburgers.

Your dress sense sucks. You have no style. You are one of the crowd. You are a follower. You are a freak. You don?t fit in. You are a lah-hoo-ser. You have no charisma. You are not sexy enough. Your favorite band sucks. Your favorite brand sucks. Your clothes suck. Your shoes suck. You are retarded.

You don?t have enough money. You should work harder. You don?t have enough things. You are unhappy. You need more. You are unsatisfied. You are not moving forward. You are not keeping up the pace. You are lagging behind. You are one step behind the rest.

You are doing it all wrong. You need to change. You need to see that change is good. You need to follow us. You need to be individual. You need to fit in. You need to think outside the square. You need to stand out. You need to know the rules. You need to know the secrets. You should be yourself.

Thirdly, you are fat. Your legs wobble too much. Your teeth are crooked. Your face is wrong. You are not thin enough. You are too thin. You need to eat more hamburgers.

You are lactose intolerant. You are iron deficient. Your cholesterol is too high. Your calcium level is too low. Your blood pressure is too high. Your iron level is too low. You need to get liposuction. You need to lose weight. You suffer from premature ejaculation. You are far too dependant on drugs. You need to buy more drugs.

You are bipolar. You have attention deficit hyperactive disorder. You have post-traumatic stress disorder. You suffer from depression. You are manic. You are not happy enough. You suffer from road rage. You suffer split-personality disorders. You suffer marriage problems. You are not right. You need to buy more drugs.

You should stop smoking. You should buy more cigarettes. You should stop smoking. You will get cancer. You will die anyway. You should have fun. You shouldn?t have fun. You should be fashionable. You should keep ahead. You are lagging behind. You should be individual. You shouldn?t care about what you do. You are free. You should go your own way. You should follow us.

You watch too much television. You need to stay tuned. You are fat because you watch too much television. You should watch more television. You should be individual. You are going to be a star one day. You are nothing. You should eat more hamburgers. You should drink more syrup. You are too fat.

You should not be who you are. You have to change.

My name is Marketing.

Now buy my fucking product.

***please feel free to spread the anti-marketing campaign by posting this in your journal. I did not write it* * *