April 19th, 2002

Scars

“Take all I am I’ve no secrets left to steal.”

Among things I am currently exeedingly hungry, I look forward to payday and once again eating during the day.

“Don’t want to be a boy, you want to be a man.”

I have been thinking about myself and how I look, this is not something that pleases me. I have come a long way in the past five years and yet I still look the same. My hair is longer and while my actual clothes have change they bear little differance to what I was wearing. I have considered changing the way I dress but I do not know how. I don’t know how to dress any other way.

"Hey Bender gonna make some noise, with your hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys...
That’s watcha, watcha, watcha get on level five.”


In my life I have done many things I’m not proud of but these things are far outnumbered by the idiotic things I have done. Some of my more idiotic moments have left their marks for all who wish to see.
The two scars beneath my left eye, one from falling of a broken brick wall I was walking along and the other from running into the back of someones head.
The piece of bone in my right leg that can be moved, this is from the first time I sprained my ankle. I did this by attempting a flying kick off a wall.
However the ones I am most ashamed og are those on my left shoulder, each of which is self inflicted.
Which segways nicely into...

“And I’ll try to please you everyday...everyday.”

Last night. Yesterday I drank, I stopped work early, went to the bar and began to drink. At home I was very close to crying so I decided that the best thing I could do was to have another drink, the only thing in the house was absinthe so I had myself a shot. Later I lapsed, it’s not so much the idiocy of what I did that bothers me(and it does bother me) it’s the thought that went into it, I washed my hands, dot some tape, toilet paper and antiseptic took apart a razor and cut myself. This is something I am remarkably ashamed of. So I may have added a few extra prmanant scars to my left shoulder.

"Having my picture in a magazine makes me special
How special are you?"